Children. Why do we have them? I'm talking about biological children and I'm looking beyond the basic instinct to procreate. Is there a reason?
How true are the following statements?
We have kids because they are a source of happiness.
I want a child because I want a little person that is in my own likeness.
It makes me happy to see something I've helped "create" that has my eyes, nose, hair etc.
Because having a child feels like a miracle.

However, are those reasons enough? That is not to say that children do not make us happy, they absolutely do. But how is it that in a materially oriented society where we are so unemotional with everything/body else but when it comes to babies, suddenly we talk about miracles?

Also, are those the REAL reasons? So many couples do it because "they are supposed to". So many people do it for what I think are the wrong reasons. So many people do it even though they might not be able to provide for their expanding families.


One day, during a conversation with a colleague of mine, I told him that I did not want any children of my own. I wanted to adopt. He called me selfish and went on to lecture me about my debt to society and to my parents. In his view, the reason for my existence was because my parents made a choice and so, being indebted to them I must repay this debt by having my very own biological children. Well what about those children that need parents. I really don't feel entitled to bring another soul into this realm unless those that are already here get good homes and families!

"Well, in that case," he said, "you should have one biological child and one adopted child." WTF! Is that really how society thinks?! And what if I want only one child? A lot of people I talked to also believe that the first child should be biological and the second adopted. Seriously, are we discriminating against children that aren't made from our very own DNA?!

In my mind, very biological child I have means a lost opportunity to parent an adopted child....and that according to society is selfish.

Hinduism believes that by reproducing, we allow our ancestors to be reborn in human form and give them another chance at salvation (or whatever we're supposed to be doing). And if we (or more precisely the men) don't do what we're (the men are) supposed to do, then upon dying, our souls enter the realm of "Put" from where there is no release (i.e. the soul is in some deep shit!). This seems more of a scare tactic to me. I wonder if an impotent man or woman was looked down upon back in those times? I wonder if this “you must have children” thing was done only so a man could prove that there was nothing lacking in him. And if there really was something lacking, then there were alternate routes provided to help with the issue.

And everytime I ask a question, I get provided the means to answer it my self. As I was working on the few paragraphs I've written, I got a little dose of baby time from everywhere. The first was a labmate of mine who just a few weeks ago had a baby and brought her in to work so every one could meet her. I noticed the interaction between parents and child (even though she was in VERY deep sleep). The parents were both tired but happy. Recently someone else I know had a baby and of course the parents are happy about it.
Then I got invited by a couple to a barbeque. They had 5 children. The oldest was probably somewhere in the mid to upper teens and the youngest was probably around 6. As a big family there was lots of work to do but everyone was lending a hand. It was a relaxed and happy atmosphere. Were any of those children adopted? I don't know, but I don't think so. Would they be just as happy if the children weren’t their own? I’d say you’d have to be a really narrow minded and small hearted person incapable of true love to not be happy.

Why this reluctance with giving a child the love and affection it needs? Why label an orphan as someone else’s mistake and hence not our responsibility? Are we so shallow that we somehow think that our children are superior because they are our own flesh and blood? Why do so many people believe that if you adopt a child, then there is something "wrong" with you? Are we using our children to prove something?

Shame on us for submitting to the ridiculousness of society.
----Megha