The two strongest negative feelings we as humans have are of anger and betrayal. I hated these and so chose to not feel them and in the process cut out all emotions from my mind. There was no other way. And so I never loved. For a long long time. Not even once. To open my heart to love meant to open it to anger, hate and jealousy also. So I built a wall around it and left it there. But my heart, it wished to be alive.
Wishing For a Heart
I’m cold. Shivering.
Wishing for a heart.
Wishing that with all that I’ve given, that I could give some more.
Wishing for once that I would not think.
That for once this blade that cut me would make me bleed.
This skin that was red and white that trembled and burned, yet never bled.
Wishing the fragrance in my hair that was stolen be stolen again.
Like felines one agile the other powerful, predators on the prowl,
Wishing that they might be prey to one another again.
Silent; this cold heart, yet it screams.
This mind, unthinking, yet calculating.
What trap have I set for myself?
That the more I free myself, the deeper it ensnares me.
And still…..I wish.
For a heart.
--------Megha(October 2005)
When I say "wishing for a heart" I don't mean for another persons love, but rather I wish to have a heart myself. Hope it makes sense.
11 comments:
Trust. That's the thing. Trust in your heart and it will guide you. It needs a breather now and then! So let it do a little wandering, no harm. It knows when to pull back and when to jump in...hope this makes sense.
very nice one.
a HUGE coincidence- that I wrote a verse about heart on the same day too!
About the content of your writeup, it helps to think of it this way - you've got to do the bungee jump sometime, so just do the dive to experience it if not enjoy it. If (when) you're lucky, you enjoy it too!
Yup both of you hit the right points and that's the conclusion I came to also. But it isn't easy to open up. And I also realized that I couldn't break that wall, someone else had to do it.
Thanks for the comments guys!
So the wall's broken then? Cause you said someone else had to do it. And my letter still hasn't come :(
i am sure many would identify with this. those are very strong words u use to great effect. :) well done!
@ harshvardhan; The wall is brick dust now. although there are a few things here and there. But it wasn't easy.
@ Sumi is your verse on your blog?
hey, how u been?
I checked out Seattle on wiki, seems like a nice place :)Especially the weather!
hey...chanced upon ur blog!!
Nice write ups!!
"Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.”
Be Happy!!! :)
WOW!!! I have no words for your words :)
Its really really touched me...i guess cuz i am feeling the same too...
Once again, well written!!!
this was a wonderful poem...Full of emotion and alas, I must say a sense of saddness.
"What trap have I set for myself?"
Inner turmoil..well portrayed..
Post a Comment